Sat in Costa Coffee for over an hour so far. The same question twisting my melon; “Where to start”? Pfffttt….”I Dunno”!
It’s been six years since I last wrote my column. Blog’s were virtually unheard of then. The only writing I have done since has been press releases; which a number of boss types have edited down to pure Blah, Academic writing for my Master’s degree that essentially said a whole lot of gumph; which when broken down into human speak resulted in my 10 year old son stating “Well Duh… You spent a year finding that out?” and finally a cringworthy attempt at erotic (ok smut) writing for a woman’s jiggy jiggy magazine who subsequently returned my offerings with a note saying ‘not for us’ which was so blunt that I felt like the dirtiest, sicko minded female ever and should be put on the naughty step and hosed down with holywater. What can I say? I thought it was good; worked a treat for me at least ;-)
Six years ago I worte a column for the Denbighshire Free Press. Most of my articles I was pretty proud of. They weren’t life altering in their wisdom or revelations, they were just life! My life. Yes, I often came across as ….. insert your own word there but what is the point of writing if you don’t write honestly and with conviction of truth?
Life for me these days? Soooo much different from my Free Press Days! Enough ‘Real Life’ has gone down to warrant a Jeremy Kyle special episode or ten. I used to be so judgmental of Jeremy Kyle participants back then but in recent years I have come to see the appeal. It was around the same sort of time that I lost a chunk of dignity and 99.9% of my pride. The appeal of Kyles and Springer type shows is that you finally get to pummel the poo outta your bullies whilst a gang of people cheer you on and hopefully a bouncer butts in before you get your face fecked. Its certainly worth considering!
But today is different. Today I can’t seem to muster any bitterness. I’m bored of being sad, tired of feeling resentful and the only gripe I have is that this new emotion is totally stunting my writing flow. Contentedness. Its new, welcome and long overdue but as I sit here in Costa munching on tea & toast, this contentedness brings with it perspective and clarity. Whilst I may not have a flood of insightful, wisdom spouting wings on my page right now, I have had a light bulb epiphany thingy ping between my ears. The realisation that, had I attempted any inspiring writing in the past 3 years, it would have been crap!
I know I am at my funniest when I’m peeved but woeful bitter drivel is pointless. Everyone has their own sob story and I am sure that no matter how jaw dropping my depressive tales are, many readers could out-woe them and let’s face it, if readers want to be bummed out then they just read an abundance of Women’s weekly magazines. The world will always seem less pants afterwards.
In the last six years much has changed. My kids and I have literally lost everything except for what I cherish most; our ability to find the funny. Laughter through tears has gotten us through so much and now, with our life still in boxes yet to be unpacked, we know that we can sit and cry about it or we can rob the bubble wrap from the crockery box, wrap ourselves up in reams and sumo fight until sadness is no longer an option.
Ok, we lost material possessions, so we found freecycle. I lost pride and face but discovered I’m a nicer person as a result. I do know that with each box I unpack, I will find strength, resilience, determination and yes, in this morning’s box, I found contentment.
Now, I best slurp down this tepid brew and scoot else the next thing I will find will be a parking ticket. Toodles peeps xx